“All relationships without exception goes through challenges but honest and continuous sincere efforts to build relationship with times it becomes one unit like beautiful horizon.  What this entails is every relationship starts as two or more different personalities, which in the beginning starts as cautious distance between parties and with time distances reduces to a point where sky and ocean becomes horizon. Wait: but horizon has light followed by darkness and light again and this goes on until the end of the time. This tells us that maintaining good relationship requires the fuel of persistence, consistent efforts, strong determination, and burning obsession of each party who wants the normal relationship with expectation of bumpy road. But don’t forget, this has to be a joint effort from each party in relationship; solo efforts are very much likely to be a failed attempt.

In a nutshell this explains the wide spectrum of challenges which exist in each relationship. Personal relationship is defined in Oxford Dictionaries as the ‘state of being connected by blood or marriage’. The point of discussion here is relationship between spouses and in-laws, which without exception requires laser focus efforts with genuine desire to have long lasting relationship; by both parties.

Now a days when we marry our sons and daughters, we train them as a shroud politician as if we are sending them to win the election; one party has to lose. This is the reason in our culture relationships of in-laws and spouses has taken the turn for the worst.  My conclusion is that main ingredient of the relationships has been replaced by ego, self-centered, and lack of long-term vision of ultimate loser. This egocentric attitude of the parents and sibling of spouses are hurting their own to suffer through painful relationship.

Initially during the proposal, both families (bride & groom) look for and find good qualities among each other. They go as far as exaggerate the good attributes for each other although it doesn’t exist. Both families feel very attached to each other and find every excuse to get together more often. Well; nothing wrong with that, actually it is awesome, but it is usually short lived from the day of the wedding to God know how long or forever. Some disagreement turns into hate, name calling; remember they gave each other good attributes which even didn’t exist; and worse they avoid any face to face interaction, which completely blocks any chances for potentials for reconciliation.

Now, the war has begun between spouses and in-laws and warm and fuzzy feeling turned into hatred in each family. Groom started getting wrong and misguided information from his family and so bride’s family did the same thing to her. These gymnastic matches started creating a crack in spouses’ relationship. This turns each spouse to be on guard; always ready to retaliate. On the contrary this could have been the continuation of love, respect, acceptance and always looking or even manufacture good qualities as they started in the beginning of marriage proposal. Don’t forget the offspring of the couple may be affected as they observe the tension between the spouses. And natural tendencies are that when offspring turn into adulthood, they may carry on the tensions usually against the groom side of the family. A relationship which could have been very beautiful by pouring love, respect, acceptance, and patience have become the most horrible as we all are busy in pouring hatred on it which continuous in our future generation and the cycle goes on and on from generation to generations.

So, what is the antidote; fear of Allah, respect, recognize the right of relationship as defined and demonstrated by Quran, Sunnah, and our righteous figures whom we mention their names in our day to day life. Remember at the opening of this easy I said “families (bride & groom) look for and find good qualities among each other”, I call this throwing seed of love. Throw as many seeds as you can and let it grow to be a big tree with solid roots. And the shade of this tree is your paradise in this world.

By: Attia